God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.