In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.