Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.