I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.