He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.