Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.