You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.