As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.