Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
No good deed goes unpunished.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.