Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.