Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Men are as faithful as their options.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.