I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I'm single because I was born that way.