I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.