All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.