The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.