If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.