I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.