Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.