When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.