As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.