I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.