He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.