If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
No good deed goes unpunished.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.