You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.