I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.