In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.