I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.