Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.