I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!