I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.