Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.