Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Men are as faithful as their options.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.