The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.