Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Men are as faithful as their options.