If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.