And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.