If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.