The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.