You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.