Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.