What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.