Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.