A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.