When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.