Sex is an emotion in motion.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.