Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Sex is an emotion in motion.