Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.