That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member