I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.