I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.