There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.