Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.