Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.