The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.