A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.