Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.