Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.