Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.