If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.