No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.