I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.