The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.