Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.