By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?