What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.