When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.