Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.