Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.