In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.