When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.