Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.