A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.