My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.