What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.