I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.