Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.