Sex is an emotion in motion.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

No good deed goes unpunished.