When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.