A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.