Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.