I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down