The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.