You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.