Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.