Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.