When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I'm single because I was born that way.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.